


smoke is not the same as air, unfortunately

by reallynotokay



Category: dan and phil
Genre: Other, idk angsty shit cause i feel bad, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 07:16:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6070120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reallynotokay/pseuds/reallynotokay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>kind of a 2012 fic, no actual theme tho. just angsty shit. read at your own caution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	smoke is not the same as air, unfortunately

sometimes i have to force my lungs to keep moving  
because it’s too much, too much to have you near me and too much to have you stay away and too much, too much, too much. your scent used to be like air, but better, and when we were happy i could breathe it in all day and get drunk off of it. now, it’s cigarette smoke and neither of us ever lived with a smoker, never got used to it, so it fills up our lungs and pushes out all the air until we’re choking on nothing. that’s what it feels like all the time now. i have to think about my breaths because they don’t come naturally anymore, because it’s easier to let the smoke fill me up. i have to do it with my heart, too; i mean, i know it won’t stop because i stop thinking about it. it just- it just hurts more when i let it work on its own. when i let it work on its own i run out of things to do and i have to think about things, and things aren’t fun or interesting or anything remotely good like they used to be. now, things means the tweet you posted that said does somebody ever get under your skin and itch and not in a good way and things means cold cups of coffee that you never drank and things means sleeping alone for the first time in months.  
this isn’t the first time i’ve said it but. it might be the last, so.  
i’m sorry. i’m sorry i wasn’t enough for you and i’m sorry that i can’t be enough for you and i’m sorry that it’s hard to make my lungs move but i wasn’t and i can’t and it is. it is, and i have to deal with that and for a while now i’ve been wondering if it’d be easier to not let them move at all.

**Author's Note:**

> i dunno what this is but i was feeling down so i decided to make you feel down as well. based on 2012 with d&p and also shit in my own life :/ sorry. idk what pov i was writing it from so it can be dan writing to phil or phil writing to dan, whatever floats ur boat. also its another really short one and i kinda feel bad but i know im shit at anything long so u have to deal with it.


End file.
